Filing the Response.

I met with my lawyer yesterday. It was much harder than I imagined it would be. Just like getting served with divorce papers. I thought I'd be able to handle it - I mean, I was expecting it at some point, really - but it hit me hard. So meeting with the lawyer to sign my papers for my "Response" was emotional. I cried. In the office. And the whole way home. I so do NOT want to be doing this. At all.

I take comfort in knowing that my heart is true in my intentions to save my family. I love my husband. I have hurt him immensely (and am currently being hurt by him immensely), but I do love him. I would do anything to take away what I've done. Anything to fix what I've broken. Anything to prove myself, earn the love and trust I so sincerely desire. It's a powerless state. And he is just angry. He is making decisions from his anger. He's unwilling to even consider reconciling for one second. It is devastating and frustrating. But I am 100% positive that I am following the path Heavenly Father has presented to me. I am following the Spirit. I have no doubt. And I know, without question, that Rick and I CAN put our marriage, our family, back together. If he so chose. He can love me again. We can be happy together. I believe it is what our children deserve. He just has to want it too. Right now, he doesn't.