Update. Court.

I will try to make this as brief as possible. I do not have a lot of time to write, and I'm not sure if blogging about it is even going to help. I cannot hide my frustration as I continue to go along with Rick's determined plan for divorce. Our first hearing was on Monday.

Since Rick is no longer working - and clearly planning to take an extended vacation, errr, disability leave, so that he can "go to school" and "become a chiropractor" - he is insisting on an increased amount of visitation. That is honestly fine with me. I do not mind the children spending additional time with him. I just don't like that an increase in visitation essentially guarantees that he will not be returning to work for the time being. He is perfectly content with my parents picking up all the financial slack for his family so that he can go live out his dream. Awesome. Support is set by the court, so neither one of us can really argue about it, but I will say that they set it at over $200 more than he was offering. Love love love being nickel and dimed...

I would have preferred a different visitation schedule because I do not believe that living in a one bedroom apartment is an appropriate permanent residence. Temporarily, for brief stays, fine, but ongoing for long stretches seems like a lot. I also do not like the back and forth for so many of them and the children being so young. The adjustment is always difficult. Getting them back on a normal routine is a struggle, and I find myself modifying their routine to accomodate - and then regretting it!

I don't understand how Rick has still managed to turn this experience around on me and continues to feel sorry for himself. He is getting exactly what he wants - we are getting a divorce, and I agreed to the visitation agreement HE proposed. How is he still blaming me??? I am dumbfounded. Truly.

I cannot even describe the disgusting drivel that Rick somehow found it necessary to text me yesterday. His intention could only have been to hurt me, and he met his mark directly. I fell apart for several hours. Fortunately, I have good friends and family who were able to support me. And I know better than to allow his hatred, hurt, and negativity affect me. I know better than to buy into his lies. What he says about me is just not true. It's not true.

I am not perfect. I never claimed to be; I never will expect myself to be. However, I do want to be a better person. I want to be a better wife, mother, woman, friend. I am working, striving, every single day to progress in that goal - to be better. Honestly, that is all any of us can do.