Audience

Writing a blog is a weird thing.  Really, for me, it is more like a public journal.  I am a little selective about the subject matter, but overall I just pour my heart out and let a bunch of people read it.  Rick has accused me of being an attention whore (many many times) and sometimes I wonder if that is true.  He says the blog is just another method of me getting attention and validation.  Maybe it is.  Although I get very little validation from my blog readers...  If that was my "purpose" I would be sorely disappointed.  Carolyn said that it is my "public pity party."  Hmmmm.  I disagree strongly with that statement as well.  I don't think I spend much time on here feeling sorry for myself.  So, what is my purpose?  Do I really think that what I say is of such importance that other people should be reading it?  Eeehhhhh, sometimes.  At times, I have actually been called insightful by many intelligent people.  Maybe I do have some valuable insights to offer people - friends and strangers alike!  I know from my experience with this blog that it has helped others begin on a path to emotional healing.  I know that several women have be inspired and encouraged by reading about my journey.  I know that there are many out there reading, even though I don't always know who or how or why!?!!?

Since I got my "feedjit" widget, I can tell some of the places that people are clicking from.  I can tell which places are "regular" visitors, and I can assume who those readers may be based on their locations.  Through a little bit of investigative work, I do know who a few of my regular readers are.  There are other places, however, that are clicking in, that I have know idea who you are.  It is a little weird.  As I have been posting my entries to facebook, I get a lot more readers, and I can tell that clicks are coming through those posts.  But, I can only guess who is reading and why.  Especially the why.

Why am I writing? Why are you reading?  I can really only answer the first question, and sometimes I'm not even sure about that.  I do like having an audience.  I always have.  I love to write.  I honestly think I am good at it.  The concept of a blog is interesting to me because it gives people an option.  Read if you want, if you are interested, or you are welcome to ignore it.  I know that the people who choose to click through are reading because they want to know what I have to say.  I guess that in and of itself is very validating.  It is rare that I get comments, but usually they are supportive and for that I am grateful.  I'm sure that at first (especially) there were people reading that were just following the train wreck soap opera that was ME.  I was emotional and angry and the DRAMA of the situation was fascinating.  However, I think I've settled down a great deal over that past year and a half.  I know that I have come to a steady place emotionally, and I am grateful to my family and my Heavenly Father for helping to get me here.

I'm not sure what the point of this entry is.  I just really felt like writing and I find myself fascinated by the idea that someone is out there reading and caring about my random thoughts and feelings.  I would love to hear from you, even the ones who're only reading so that you can report back to Rick.  I still have nothing to hide.