If you want to post a comment bashing me and my blog and the things I have written, please have the decency to sign it. Although, there is only one person I know of who has the audacity to say those things. Leave your name, and I will think about leaving your comment up.
I was going to respond to you publicly. I was going to take each element of the comment you wrote and explain my perspective, but I decided against it. I took your message, forwarded it to Rick, and responded to him. If you are interested in my detailed response, you can ask him for it.
Everything I have written in this blog is true. Yes, it is MY experience, MY impressions, MY truth. It is MY BLOG. Take from it what you will.
As for "details" about my indiscretions, my emails, my personal trainer. That was an interesting request. Here is the truth. I have slept with two men outside my marriage. One was a one night stand that I immediately regretted. The other was my affair and we had sex twice. It took me much longer to regret that decision, but I have learned so much about myself since then. I am immensely sorry, I wish I hadn't done it, but I also know that all of my terrible choices are now part of my journey that brought me to the place I am now. And I wouldn't give this place up for anything. Either Rick will benefit from it by putting our family back together, or just my kids (and everyone else in my life) will glean the rewards, but either way, it is the path I took to my own growth to become a better person, a better mother, a better daughter of my Heavenly Father.
The personal trainer was one of my "crushes" - a non-relationship that happened totally in my mind. As was Todd. As was Ross. That is the extent of it. You have NO IDEA what you are talking about. You have heard snippets from a very angry and hurt Rick. And THAT'S ALL.
My repentance is true, and sincere, and right. We CAN fix our marriage. We CAN be happy together. We CAN keep our eternal family whole. If Rick chose to try. He is not choosing that. That is the WHOLE truth.
7 comments:
I do feel for you Amber. I hate to see anybody get divorced. But your constant airing of your dirty laundry will only drive rick farther away. I would hope that there could be some kind of reconciliation between you two especially because there are kids involved. But if you think publicly baching and chastising rick will help your cause, you are sorely mistaken. Take my advice and keep your business with between you and him.
There is nothing that I can do or say to drive Rick away any further. He has made his choice. In four months of me constantly and consistently "trying to get him back" he has not for one second given me one bit of hope for him to change his heart or his mind. He will not consider reconciliation, no matter what I do or do not do.
I do not consider this blog to be bashing him. At all. I do love my husband. I get angry, I get hurt, but I love him more than anything and I would do anything to have another chance with him.
If he was willing to go through, discuss, work out our business (EVEN AS CO-PARENTS, not just to fix our marriage) I would be happy to do that - and to keep it between the two of us. He is not willing to do that. He doesn't want to talk to me about anything. He doesn't tell me the TRUTH about anything. Half truths and non truths are the best I can get from him.
I would consider taking your advice if I knew who was giving it. Maybe if you were a person who had any TRUE knowledge of my relationship, my family, then I could respect your opinion. But you are not. You know the bits, Rick's side (which is JUST AS biased as "my side" with HIS hurt and anger!) The truth is somewhere in between. I know that. I would like to find it with Rick. Alone. But he won't.
I sent him the song "Just by Being You" by Steel Magnolia. The lyrics of this song perfectly describe my feelings for Rick. I was ignored. As usual.
Unless he asks me to stop - for the sake of our marriage - I will not stop writing. Otherwise, he is going to divorce me either way. It has nothing to do with this blog.
Stay Strong!
It's too bad Rick can't see clearly right now. If he could he would be with you and his children, not with a------- wait, I don't want to stoop to her level. Amber- thank you for sharing your honest and open feelings, that way it is perfectly clear to those around you what has happened. I don't understand Rick, but that's your job as his wife and eternal companion. Be strong girl.
No more "Anonymous" posts.
That post certainly wasn't going to help the situation either.
Amber, I wanted to tell you to pay no attention to "Ms. Anonymous". Through the process of reading your blog, it has helped me immeasurably in trying to understand my own husband's affair and his repentance of it. You have given me the gift of looking at things objectively, and see where I have gone wrong in trying to forgive, or rather the lack of forgiveness with my own husband. I am so grateful to you for being strong enough to share with such honesty what is going on in your life. I don't think of it as "dirty laundry" at all, but a testimony of a repentant woman who truly loves her family and her husband. You have given me the courage to forgive my husband. Thank you so much for that. You have helped to "save" me from my anger and my unforgiving ways. I thank you and pray for you that your family will prevail, no matter what.
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