Grieving

I have spent a lot of time, over the past 6 months, studying and experiencing the "Stages of Grief." I have always read (heard?) That people who are going through a break up can experience these stages, and divorce is an even more profound/greater loss. Once I realized I was actually making my way through the stages, I kind of got upset. Does this mean a divorce is inevitable? My therapist assured me that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean there is no chance to reconcile. Because I don't want to give up. I have made my way to acceptance several times, but it is constantly in a state of flux. I'm pretty sure having the baby (and the way he acted) put me into Anger. These days I am back to Depression. Why am I depressed over this guy? Is "father of my children" really that important when I'm being treated like CRAP?

He admitted to me today that he is with her. Not like I haven't known all along, but, wow, what a blow to have him say "Well, yeah." I would do anything to keep my marriage and family together. His affair is no better than mine. And his is actually going to destroy this family. I hope all of his "friends" and "support" are proud of themselves for encouraging him to destroy our family. Destroy our kids lives, as they know them... Feed his anger. Keep him feeling justified "moving on" while we are still married, while I am trying to fight for our family. If you were really a friend you would be encouraging him to TRY to fix this. Encouraging him to be a man who honors his commitments. My betrayal does not justify this, and I am full of remorse and repentance. At this point, it isn't about the past OR the present. It's only about the FUTURE our family could have. We could be whole. We could recover.

You're all freaking awesome. You know who you are.