Venting

I am trying to avoid talking about Rick, but I do feel a little obligation to update the blog readers on the latest news...

As of a few weeks ago, Rick is back to work. I can only speculate the reasons, but it is what it is. Our visitation agreement has stayed the same with the kids going and staying with Carolyn while he is at work. Almost two weeks ago now, he notified me that he is moving to Hemet on June 15. When the kids came home after that weekend, they let me know that they stayed at the house, so, technically he has already moved. They also were quick to point out that "Carolyn has her own room." Freaking awesome. This is my life.

A series of angry, desperate, pathetic text messages to Rick confirmed many things. He is living with his girlfriend and her daughter. He intends to marry her. He HONESTLY BELIEVES he is following the spirit. He told me he reads, prays, follows the spirit, takes the children to church, and teaches them to follow the spirit and live righteously. My church leaders told me that he has essentially "disfellowshipped himself"... Interesting contradiction. Oh well. I am through letting my anger over what isn't happening to him get in the way of my daily happiness. It is frustrating, but I had to let it go. His decision to lie and lie and lie to everyone cannot bring me down any more. I am STILL willing to fix this family, but I am no longer obsessively hoping for his change of heart. He is in my prayers. She is in my prayers. I say these things NOT to sound self-righteous, but to protect myself from hurting any more over his choices. Every thought of what he is doing BREAKS MY HEART.

He has taken Parker three times now. I am glad. He doesn't talk to me about it, so I can't really report on "how it went" but I think it is good. Soon, he will take Parker with the other kids. We'll see how that goes. As Breanna pointed out yesterday "Daddy already has 6 kids, because of Norah." "Great," I said, "Once he starts taking Parker, he will have 7." This is my awesome life.

We go to court on Tuesday morning for a "Trial Setting Conference." I am sincerely hoping that something else gets done that day. With him working full time now and his move to Hemet, I believe that the current visitation agreement for summer (week on week off) should no longer be valid. He, however, insists that he prefers to keep things the same. I am astounded that he thinks them spending 60+ hours a week with Carolyn while he is working is reasonable. Sure, he is following the spirit... I don't know what will happen Tuesday, maybe nothing, but I hope it is something. Anything, really. Any change would be better than what I've got going on now.

More blogging to come today. Right now, crying baby. Thank you all for your love and support. It means more than you could possibly imagine!