Empty

I feel and have felt a LOT of pain for him, my family, what I've done. But my problem now is WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??

We have 6 kids. I've been pregnant this entire time. I believe wholeheartedly in our family. I KNOW what we could have - Heavenly Father literally SHOWED ME our eternal potential. I'm supposed to just wait? For what? Let him blame everything on me? Yes, I screwed up plenty, but it isn't as though we had a "good" marriage that I ruined. There was already plenty we needed to fix. He has a role in that too.

I love him. I love our kids. I would do ANYTHING. He won't even TRY. There is nothing I can do about his pain, hurt, anger. About what I've done to him and us. I have tried and tried and tried. I have been continually and constantly rejected. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO! IT IS ALL UP TO HIM!