Kids today; +/-

Some days with 6 kids are just longer than other days with 6 six kids. Seriously. This morning was OFF THE WALL getting ready for church. Then we made it to church (a little late) but LOVE those Stryker girls for coming and sitting with us. Made for a MUCH more mellow sacrament meeting than normal. Mom got to pay attention to testimonies (at least until I had to take Janey out) and our zoo was way less of a distraction than your typical Sunday. I did my usual unloading to my Bishop, went to Relief Society, gathered the children, and headed home. The walk to the car was somehow exceptionally long. Parker was CRYING, Janey was uncooperative, and I was carrying two heavy bags. Hattie told me she would help me "if we went to In n Out for dinner tomorrow." OMG. I could have smacked her. Jason, of course, ran ahead to the van so that he could lock everyone out before we all got there. So much for "in your seats, seatbelts on" before I get all of the way there. Ugh. Children. Finally Hattie agreed to carry Parker, and we hobbled the rest of the way out there (to the locked car, haha.) This pretty much set up the rest of the afternoon. And now I'm just not in the mood to go into it, but, trust me, it was loud and exhausting. But I'm not in the mood for rehashing it as I sit in silence here. Parker is sleeping (probably not for long) so I want to enjoy the peace for a bit. Just kidding. Had to go change Janey's diaper. Hope that is not indicative of what the rest of our night will be like. I'd like to get a little bit of sleep at least. Just a little. I'm a little short on sleep. And patience.

This afternoon, (after Papa and Grandma and the rest of us, but mostly Papa and Grandma worked really really hard pumping up the "earth ball" for them to play in) I was watching, through the window, the kids play together as I fed Parker. They were having so much fun running and jumping on each other, on the ball, in the ball. I could only see glimpses from my vantage point, but a couple of times I spied Breanna preparing to take a running leap onto the other kids. She looked so grown up. She'll only be 4 in May, but they still grow so fast. And I listened to them giggling and screaming (from the distance, thank goodness) and felt such love and joy for my family. They are amazing kids. I love them so very much.

Despite the difficulty, and stress, and frustration, I am certain of one thing - I am blessed. I am blessed with a loving and supportive family (namely my parents, Grandma and Papa) who have literally turned their lives upside down to facilitate us. I am blessed with a loving and supportive ward who never judge me, always love me, always show care and concern for me and my family. And I am especially blessed with six incredible children. I cannot believe that my husband is willing to let this go. This life. It is amazing. This decision on his part is his loss. Without question. Is it hard on me, YES! Hard on my parents, YES! But in the big picture, the eternal perspective, I am getting the blessings; I get to experience them every day. Rick has never even heard his newborn son cry. And Mr. Cranky Pants was crying ALL DAY today. But I was able to appreciate it in a new way because listening to a newborn cry uncontrollably is a rite of passage in parenthood. We've done it with every child we've ever had. Knowing their cries, feeling their pain. It's part of the job description. He will never experience it. How sad, really. How pathetically sad for him.