This was the response I got:
| From: | Her |
| To: | Me |
| Subject: | Blog invite |
| Date: | Thu, Oct 13, 2011 2:14 pm |
Thanks for the invite but I will pass. I have no desire to read your public pity party. I am surprised a deeply devoted mother and such a repentant daughter of our Heavenly Father has so much time to blog and would exert so much energy trying to destroy her children's father. I guess it shouldn't surprise me though given your love of the internet and attention. Who is desperate and pathetic now?
I responded:
| From: | Me |
| To: | Her |
| Subject: | Re: Blog invite |
| Date: | Thu, Oct 13, 2011 4:51 pm |
***I wrote this before you sent your note.
I wasn't going to send it, but you are so inaccurately judgmental of a situation you DO NOT UNDERSTAND, I feel like I still should try.***
I will never want my husband back again. You can have him. Forever. I do not and will never again stand in your way. I see now, more than ever, that he will never be the man I thought I married. Funny thing is, he will never be the man you think he is either. Good luck to you. It took me ten years to internalize the insecurities you have already begun to express. Maybe it helps that you can blame me for everything, but eventually that will get old and you two will be stuck with yourselves - stuck taking responsibility for your own selfish decisions.
I'm astounded that you feel so frustrated at having to "deal with me" since you got here. You lend no respect nor credit to the fact that I have always been his wife, unfortunately STILL SO, and mother of his children. We were married in the temple. And I was actually PREGNANT when you got here. Who do you think you are? You were not around for our marriage. You do not know at all what our marriage was like. You take the word of a HURT, ANGRY man. And maybe his crazy, protective family, who NEVER knew me. NEVER. The people he has kept in his life are people who DID NOT have any relationship with me, so that he can weave his victim/martyr story that much easier. I have told the truth, and he has continued to lie.
And now he has replaced me with you. He did it IMMEDIATELY, and he has still never dealt with his pain over what I did to him. He changed his focus. He hopes to create what he THOUGHT we had. And it is sad, because he will most likely end up re-creating EXACTLY what we had. An unhappy marriage. Remember it took me almost a decade to have the feelings of doubt and the need for reassurance that you have already expressed to him. You think that when... this or that happens (when he is divorced, when you are married) that things will change, but I assure you they will not. For me it was if only he helped more, or let me have more breaks... He talks a good talk, it's true. And I "knew" that he loved me. But I DID NOT FEEL LOVED. I constantly needed reassurance, and then he made me feel guilty about it, just as he has done with you. It is not your fault that the two of you have problems. It is not your fault that you feel insecure!!!! I LIVED THAT RELATIONSHIP.
You blame me, you call me crazy. That is fine, I understand. But I see the reality of my marriage. And I see the reality of your future marriage - more clearly than you can imagine. I feel sorry for you. You are the one who has been caught up in HIS trap. You're right that he has shut me down at every step, shot down every attempt I made to show him that our family is worth saving. So why are you still questioning? Not because of you. It is because he (maybe subconsciously) encourages that insecurity in you. It is to keep you there, adoring him, looking up to him, never feeling good enough. Those feelings were such an important part of why I did the terrible things I did. I CRAVED validation. Not because I am a bad person, but because I did not get it in my relationship. Maybe he has learned from his mistakes. From what I read, I doubt it.
You praise him for all of his "get rich quick" schemes. You encourage his frivolous spending and irresponsible dreams. That is because you don't have the worry or the responsibility of actually taking care of the family. I did listen to him, I did encourage him, but I did it in practical ways. I tried to build a life together that was responsible and happy. I tried my hardest to make the fantasy we were supposed to be, the perception of perfection, a reality... and I failed.
Chiropractic college? NuSkin? Progen-whatever? How many times will he have to fail before you see that he is a man with big dreams and no follow through? You will not be able to carry him. I couldn't. You will not be able to accomplish his life for him. I wasn't. I loved him, and served him and tried to be everything all the time. And I wasn't happy. Neither of us were happy. I made bad decisions, made mistakes, have learned many many difficult lessons.
I am sincerely sorry, truly repentant for the ways I hurt him. He has refused to listen, and you have encouraged him to turn his back on his eternal family for your own selfish desires. You think it's okay that he just "owes" me (and his children) over $13,000?? That makes sense to you? And I am the selfish one. You have one school-aged child and do not work, yet I am supposed to "get a job" with 6 children, 2 who are under 3? How has this story become logical to you? He is able to support you BECAUSE he let go of supporting his own children. BECAUSE my parents have taken on the financial responsibility and yes, BURDEN of raising 6 kids!
Neither of you are victims. Stop acting like it.
I'm astounded that you feel so frustrated at having to "deal with me" since you got here. You lend no respect nor credit to the fact that I have always been his wife, unfortunately STILL SO, and mother of his children. We were married in the temple. And I was actually PREGNANT when you got here. Who do you think you are? You were not around for our marriage. You do not know at all what our marriage was like. You take the word of a HURT, ANGRY man. And maybe his crazy, protective family, who NEVER knew me. NEVER. The people he has kept in his life are people who DID NOT have any relationship with me, so that he can weave his victim/martyr story that much easier. I have told the truth, and he has continued to lie.
And now he has replaced me with you. He did it IMMEDIATELY, and he has still never dealt with his pain over what I did to him. He changed his focus. He hopes to create what he THOUGHT we had. And it is sad, because he will most likely end up re-creating EXACTLY what we had. An unhappy marriage. Remember it took me almost a decade to have the feelings of doubt and the need for reassurance that you have already expressed to him. You think that when... this or that happens (when he is divorced, when you are married) that things will change, but I assure you they will not. For me it was if only he helped more, or let me have more breaks... He talks a good talk, it's true. And I "knew" that he loved me. But I DID NOT FEEL LOVED. I constantly needed reassurance, and then he made me feel guilty about it, just as he has done with you. It is not your fault that the two of you have problems. It is not your fault that you feel insecure!!!! I LIVED THAT RELATIONSHIP.
You blame me, you call me crazy. That is fine, I understand. But I see the reality of my marriage. And I see the reality of your future marriage - more clearly than you can imagine. I feel sorry for you. You are the one who has been caught up in HIS trap. You're right that he has shut me down at every step, shot down every attempt I made to show him that our family is worth saving. So why are you still questioning? Not because of you. It is because he (maybe subconsciously) encourages that insecurity in you. It is to keep you there, adoring him, looking up to him, never feeling good enough. Those feelings were such an important part of why I did the terrible things I did. I CRAVED validation. Not because I am a bad person, but because I did not get it in my relationship. Maybe he has learned from his mistakes. From what I read, I doubt it.
You praise him for all of his "get rich quick" schemes. You encourage his frivolous spending and irresponsible dreams. That is because you don't have the worry or the responsibility of actually taking care of the family. I did listen to him, I did encourage him, but I did it in practical ways. I tried to build a life together that was responsible and happy. I tried my hardest to make the fantasy we were supposed to be, the perception of perfection, a reality... and I failed.
Chiropractic college? NuSkin? Progen-whatever? How many times will he have to fail before you see that he is a man with big dreams and no follow through? You will not be able to carry him. I couldn't. You will not be able to accomplish his life for him. I wasn't. I loved him, and served him and tried to be everything all the time. And I wasn't happy. Neither of us were happy. I made bad decisions, made mistakes, have learned many many difficult lessons.
I am sincerely sorry, truly repentant for the ways I hurt him. He has refused to listen, and you have encouraged him to turn his back on his eternal family for your own selfish desires. You think it's okay that he just "owes" me (and his children) over $13,000?? That makes sense to you? And I am the selfish one. You have one school-aged child and do not work, yet I am supposed to "get a job" with 6 children, 2 who are under 3? How has this story become logical to you? He is able to support you BECAUSE he let go of supporting his own children. BECAUSE my parents have taken on the financial responsibility and yes, BURDEN of raising 6 kids!
Neither of you are victims. Stop acting like it.
And got back:
| From: | Her |
| To: | Me |
| Subject: | Re: Blog invite |
| Date: | Thu, Oct 13, 2011 5:10 pm |
You will get your money so don't worry. I have money from my family inheritance that provides for me and my daughter. You are the one who is confused and assumes things that you know nothing about. I am not a victim and never have been. I pray that one day you will see that the victim label you like to label everyone else with is the very label you give yourself with every blog or text you send. Good luck in your new life I wish you only the best. I KNOW what my life with Rick will be like and do not need your observations drawn from emails about situations and conversations that you will never understand. Sometimes it is better to not feel the need to know everything but you sadly have yet to learn that. I sincerely pray that someday you find peace.
And that, my friends, is when I realized there was no point in corresponding with either of them any further. Rick doesn't even bother telling me if/when he is planning to take the kids. He tells the kids it will still be... (however long.) Freaking awesome. I hope they have a nice delusional life together.
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