Upon reading the vulgar email and seeing the naked pictures that Rick sent to Carolyn last summer (July 28 - remember they were just FRIENDS, nothing more!), I felt an indescribable rage. Intense anger and disgust. I was disgusted with him, not for what he did - believe me, I did the same and more, I am sure - but for the months and months and FULL YEAR of lies about it. I was hurt and disgusted that he just KEPT LYING to everyone. He knew he was planning a future - a forever - with another woman, and he refused to own up to it. Even when I would come to him, knowing what logic told me, pleading for the truth from him, he would continue to lie to my face. Yes, I have KNOWN it. But I also was attacked from varying sources about my inability to "prove" any of it. Or the fact that I "only know what I know." That the "facts about my relationship are facts" while I was just speculating about Rick and Carolyn. Clearly I was not speculating. I think I am justified (dangerous word, I know) in feeling a little vindicated when I was repeatedly called "crazy" for saying that she was a serious threat to our marriage, to our family.
As this new revelation has settled, I can feel only relief. I am relieved to know that I will NEVER EVER be tempted to "take Rick back" as it were. I will never desire for him to be my husband again. I will never trust him or love him. Well, I am supposed to figure out how to love him and forgive him, but I am certain that will take a while.
They sincerely believe in their eternal destiny together, their love, and for that I wish them the best. What I have witnessed already, and what I know about my husband, tells a different story, but maybe they'll figure out how to make it work.
So, I decided it was time to come clean (to the rest of the world because zillions already were in the loop on this) about my own relationship and let the chips fall. I have no reason to deny the truth. I am happy. I deserve to be happy. A stupid piece of paper from the State of California does not get to decide that for me. And Rick does not deserve me or this family.
1 comment:
Uhmm Can I just say that I HATE the thought of a man sending naked photos of himself or anyone. I don't know if it was a cell phone or what but it is just DISGUSTING. Technology has really become detrimental to relationships. Okay I am done. Sorry.
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