Keeping my mouth shut on Facebook is a worthy and valuable new venture, but I am not really capable of shushing myself here. Really, this is meant to be that type of outlet, isn't it? So, please, forgive me my rantings...
A while back I posted about people taking sides. The basic premise is that people HAVE TO take sides at some point. There is no staying in the middle when a marriage (or family) breaks up. Pick your partner. Who do you think is "more" right? No, I don't think it is right to judge, offer judgment, be MEAN. But I do think it is right to offer/lend support to whomever you feel is best serving the interests/needs of the children. I get very defensive when people (Rick's friends and family) insist that they are refusing to take sides. Of course, that means they agree with Rick. Ridiculous, in my opinion! I get not wanting to alienate Rick (any more than he has already alienated himself) but I do not understand SUPPORTING the decisions he is making now. REGARDLESS of what I've done wrong. I do not understand giving him support on this path.
Recently I read - "I support... the efforts he's making to be a good father."
I will be quite honest in that I am disgusted by that statement. I am not sure to what efforts this person is referring. I have not seen Rick make any effort to be a good father. The ONLY thing I would credit him for in the column of "making effort" is making the drive from Hemet to watch the kids soccer games on Saturdays. However, he also made the choice to move 60 miles away so that he could live with Carolyn and her daughter. He had options of places he could have afforded to live here, but he would not have been able to support his girlfriend. So, he had to move. In that vein, he has made zero effort to support them financially (via child support) while he has been making sure he keeps a roof over her head, and he made ABSOLUTELY NO EFFORT TO SEE OR KNOW PACO FOR THE FIRST 8 MONTHS OF HIS LIFE. Any relationship Parker has with his father is due to my CONSTANT asking, pressing, pushing visitation on Rick. On many, many occasions, visits were offered and outright refused. The only reason he takes Parker now is because I insisted that I would start weaning so that he would no longer have any excuse not to take the baby. His initial response to my offer was that perhaps I am not such a perfect mom because I am going to wean before a full year and "give up on [my] last born child." Ha ha. Give up??? Like he did??? I am frustrated (angry) that he implies (or outright accuses!) me of anything malicious or deceitful. I have NEVER EVER EVER kept any of his children from him. He has NEVER ONCE called them to say hello or good night. He has NEVER ONCE asked for additional time with them. He does barely what he is expected to do in our visitation agreement and NO MORE. Our lawyer meeting last week included a full discussion about how good it would be if he could call the kids each night (or even a couple of times a week) to have contact or just say good night. There have still been NO CALLS to the children since then. He has also refused to pay any child support since February. He insists that he "would have" paid DCSS (Dept of Child Support Services) but it isn't as though he set aside that money that he KNEW he owed. When I asked him about it, he said he used it to pay school loans, medical bills and to fix the car. That was money legally intended for support of his children that he consciously decided to spend elsewhere - on HIMSELF. Meanwhile, his future ex- in-laws are covering the tab he is running. $13,000+ now... Speaking of in-laws, mine have not offered any support to me or their grandchildren. Both my mother and father in law have both been happy to lecture me on my supposed lack of moral fortitude, but I wonder if they are willing to stand up to their son in the same manner? Seriously? What a joke!
My husband PLAYED a great father, he gets that ability honestly. I do believe he loves his children. He talks the talk and loves the IMAGE of having a big family with a bunch of children who adore him, but he is lazy and a liar and a victim (in my opinion after 10+ years of marriage.) He is happy to do less and blame others for his incompetence. I am tired of watching others buy in to his lies. I am tired of taking responsibility when he falls short. He is not my job any more. He needs to stop putting his responsibilities (and all the blame) on me. I cannot make up the difference in his "image" as a man and a father any more. I sure hope she is up to that task. Let me tell you, it gets very old.
Yes, I do feel better now. Thank you very much.
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