Perspective

I have been told that I have terrible kids.  I have also, much more often, been told that I have great kids.  I have been told that I am a terrible mother.  I have also, much more often, been told that I am a great mother.  All four statements are most likely true.  Overall, however, I know (and not just because of my personal "bias") that I have great kids and that they have a great Mom.  I know this because it is the truth.  The permanent truth.  Not the temporary one.

Our truth is always based on our own perspective, which is why it is always so easy to disagree with others.  What is true for me is certainly not true for my (not quite) ex-husband.  According to him, he has "great" perspective and doesn't need therapy.  Is that true?  I would definitely argue against that fact, but there it is, he is CONVINCED.  Realistically, it doesn't matter, in that it doesn't affect me.  Or does it?  Because it DOES affect our children.  Every choice he has made and is making affects our children.  He honestly believes that he is affecting them in a positive way, when all I can see is the EXTREME DAMAGE that his actions are doing.  Who is right?  Is it just a matter of  "perspective"?

One thing I learned in preparing to join and in joining the church is that TRUTH is not relative.  RIGHT and WRONG are not relative.  We do not get to rationalize our way through morality, no matter how smart we are, or how "good" a person we have decided we are.  There is such a thing as RIGHT and WRONG.  Those things are universal.  They are BLACK and WHITE.  Now, that doesn't mean that people are only GOOD and BAD, but it does mean that their actions generally can be considered right or wrong.  Have I done everything "right" in my divorce?  Certainly not!  I would, however, argue that I have done mostly right and mostly good, and I have tried very hard to always put the children first.  I challenge anyone to point out any BIG decision I have made in the past year that was NOT in the best interest of these six amazing kids.  I get so frustrated when lies are told, accusations are made, falsehoods assumed to be fact.  Perception is NOT reality.  Only reality is reality.

Another thing I have come to understand in the last few months is that repentance DOES NOT involve rationalization.  I know that in the beginning (after my confession) I was still rationalizing my behavior.  It was because of this or that, or it was "love" or it was "right."  Once I truly saw the reality of my choices, I was no longer able to rationalize.  I can see how my relationship with my husband led where it did, but I cannot and will not try to rationalize my behavior.  I was WRONG.  I know that, without question, and it was MY FAULT.  So, if you find yourself rationalizing "wrong" behavior, you should know that you are not truly repentant for your actions.  Just a hint...  and, I promise, I share it without judging as I learned it from experience.