I had originally thought, when I heard of Rick's wedding, that they had gone to the County and done it quickly and under the radar. This certainly would have explained their decision to exclude the children from the ceremony. Last night, I learned differently.
The wedding took place at the home of Carolyn's Aunt. It is the home where my children have slept many many nights. The Aunt was NOT at home, and the kids have not seen her in months. She was out of town. They were just using her house. They invited the missionaries, and two friends with their families. They did not even offer the chance of attending to my children.
The wedding was on Thursday. Rick had the kids with him on Wednesday and on Friday. He purposefully and specifically excluded the children from attending the wedding ceremony with Carolyn.
Then, they didn't even tell the kids when they arrived on Friday. They found out via Norah, in the car, whispering "Mommy and Daddy got married on the day before today!"
My daughter is so hurt. She can't even talk to him about how she feels. I am livid.
3 comments:
OK I'm doing what I do best sometimes, that's play devils advocate. So what if they did involve the kids, and it would have been without your knowing. Would have been much worse, right? Would you have wanted them there? I think that if you had known prior to the day, it would have been even more devastating for you. I watched my Mom go through a very abusive relationship with my bio dad for 20yrs, and as the oldest of 5 I can identify with Hattie. What is best for her, as she's comprehending & internalizing & learning (most importantly) from all of this going on now, is that you are her strength, her truth, her light, her best friend. This applies to all the kiddos of course, but take it all in, deal with it emotionally while they're not with you (I know sometimes impossible) but the more she sees you in pain, the deep pain not just anger, the more she'll fear for you, and gravitate towards the strength she needs. So to keep them close to you, lead them guide them walk beside them, along with your Savior, and you will be healed from the deep pain quicker than you can expect. Hope this helps.
It isn't about how this all affects me or how I feel about it. It is about my children. They are (and will continue to be) hurt by his actions, by his choices. It is confusing to be with someone who says they love you, but whose actions do not convey the feelings. What they experience determines how they feel. He doesn't care how they feel.
I am here for them and listening to them, loving them, protecting them (as much as I can.) It is so sad realizing that I will have to let them face their own trials at such young ages.
THEY will see it. YOU cannot SEE IT now... But THEY WILL SEE IT when they are older and can make the judgement they need to make to be a better mommy or daddy or sibling.
I know it is easier to say than do. GIVE IT TIME.
You know... your family was broken. YOU know who did what was best for the kids. GIVE it time.
I wouldn't want my kids attending FYI ;) I am mean though.
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