I am so excited about this baby. Maybe I shouldn't be excited about the responsibility of another child, but I am totally excited about the joy. He is so perfect. It is such a miracle. My stepdad and I were talking this morning and reflecting on the fact that these first couple days are a really special time in a baby's life. Or maybe in a Mommy's life with a baby. I've always had this first day or two in the hospital with my babies. For some reason, this time, with Parker, it feels more profound, more significant. He is truly a special spirit to me. His presence in my life will always have a little extra meaning. This pregnancy was so unique in so many ways. It has been a turning point in my life. Whether or not my husband EVER chooses to come back to us (and most people would assure me that he will NOT EVER EVER EVER come back - based on his current attitude) my life from this point on will forever be different. I will forever be a different, better, more whole person than I have ever been. All of my relationships - with my family, my friends, my children, even any future partner - have benefited and will benefit for the growth and progress I have made during this time, both personally and spiritually. It is profoundly humbling.
Giving up control is the most difficult thing to do. At least I know that in God's hands, it's in good hands.
1 comment:
Your children are absolutely beautiful Amber. I'm glad especially for them that you are feeling so well, regardless of the outcome. You will be a happier person, therefore a better Mommy. I kind of believe that saying "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
I'm praying for you!
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