A "Good" Divorce?

I am reading a new book right now.  It is called Joint Custody with a Jerk, and I found it at the library. The book is not at all about how to change your ex into a nicer person or to make him/her easier to deal with.  I am loving what I'm learning because it is actually about how to change your own attitude and reactions to things so that the relationship will flow more smoothly.  I am just devouring its wisdom, and I can't wait to put some of the things I've read into practical application.  Of course, that would require MY ex to actually communicate with me AT ALL, but I'm hoping to eventually get the opportunity...

When Rick and I first separated, I bought a book called The Good Divorce.  It talked about the relationship between the exes (and their new "others") adapting to a familial relationship rather than an adversarial one.  If the entire family REMAINS a family, the children will fare much, much better.  The exes should be friends, friendly, on the same team.  Now, I understand that most divorces do not go this route.  Certainly the divorced household I grew up in was contentious (at the very best!)  However, understanding the reality, and our (presupposed) desire to do right by our children, I would still hope that we can find ourselves to this place.  As I have mentioned over and over to Rick (in email form,) I would really like to find a way to get along.  What I realized recently, is that he is truly feeding off of a hatred for me.  He MUST keep his life and feelings and reality separate from me in order to maintain the boundaries he has set for himself.  It is so scary unhealthy.  If we are a part of each others' lives, he could possibly realize that this was all a big mistake?  If he is certain that this path is the right one, then what has he against setting our children up for a healthier emotional outcome?  There really is no question that the BETTER we get along, the better off our children will be.  And we have SIX CHILDREN. 

I am frustrated when I am not given all of the information regarding our children.  I am agitated that we cannot parent as a team.  I feel handicapped because it seems he is unwilling to work with me AT ALL.  I would like to have honest, open communication set up between us.  I've offered for him to select a Bishop or LDS therapist of his choice, and he has refused to have any such meeting with me.  My hands are tied.  How can I proceed?