I begin to make progress and then something happens. Not just a hurtful, untrue email from Rick, but a fight with Brian, and now my confidence is once again shaken; I doubt my worth, doubt my value, question the goodness in me.
Do I deserve to be loved when I am soooo mean? Do I deserve to be happy when I have caused so much pain? I am not sure the good I do and the positive I put into the world is enough to counter all of the hurt I create. I am just not sure.
It would be nice if I could figure out how to work through my own pain without lashing out. I think, for me, it is almost like self-mutilation - the ultimate goal is always to cause myself more hurt.
What a terrible day.
No comments:
Post a Comment