| From: | amberathomson |
| To: | Richard Thomson |
| Subject: | Truth |
| Date: | Sun, Jan 15, 2012 10:21 pm |
Not that you care about the realities that TRULY "contribute to where our lives have led," but here goes...
In February, when you stopped working, you TOLD me you were going to stop paying until further notice. That is when I went to the county for cash aid (and thank goodness I did!) Once I started getting cash aid, the county automatically opened up a case with DCSS. It was never my decision. You offered me a payment in May (not April) after 3 months of NOTHING, once the court told you that you were supposed to pay. I followed the directions I was given by the county to NOT accept any payments directly from you. You told me the money was sitting in its own account waiting.
I began asking you for support again in September. DCSS was held up by the filing of the order from April, because your attorney would not agree to the specifics from the hearing. I still asked you to help directly, and those payments would be credited once DCSS was able to begin enforcing. You refused. You told me the previously saved child support money went to pay school bills, medical bills, and car repairs. You offered to pay me less money than was actually owed in exchange for me "dropping" the case with DCSS. I said that wasn't fair to me or the kids, and that I did not trust you paying voluntarily. I have never even had the option of dropping the DCSS case. It was never my choice!
After that, you continued to refuse payment of any support. Several times you chose to mock me via email that I wasn't getting support from you.
Your CHOICE to avoid paying support cannot be blamed on DCSS or on me. The guy who "always does the right thing" just HASN'T. If you had any intention of "stepping up" to your responsibilities, you wouldn't let DCSS or anyone else stop you. You made six kids with me, then you took the first clear opportunity (me asking for a TEMPORARY separation) to leave & you ran directly to Carolyn.
You continually resisted my SINCERE attempts to apologize, to beg forgiveness, to try to save our eternal family, since you had already decided it would be easier to move forward and start over in a new relationship. You lied. Over and over, you outright lied to everyone about the CHOICES you were making. You voluntarily missed your son's birth AND the first 8 months of his life. You refused any form of counseling program, either with me OR individually. You repeatedly defied the guidance of all church leaders.
Now you are married, and you think, as we did after we married, that suddenly everything is all better. You are wrong. Nothing about your decision to remarry could be considered "right" or "good for our children" in any way. Any therapist on the planet would tell you it is completely emotionally unhealthy. Worst of all, it does not erase the unrighteous decisions you made getting to this point! The examples that have been set for our children cannot be undone through a(nother) quickie marriage.
I am over feeling anger towards you. I forgive you (daily, sometimes hourly.) I love you. I love our children. I even have love for Carolyn. I am grateful she treats the children kindly. I pray you find peace and truth in your journey. I pray you get therapeutic healing - I am certain it will take years - to overcome the pain of your childhood and the pain I caused you. I pray you start being honest with yourself and your wife. You "love" her now because your love for me became too painful to endure. I am sorry. My heart still aches for the hurt I caused you, but I know there is no turning back. You've chosen this path, and I still struggle, but I will respect your choice. Your current marriage is even less healthy than ours was. It is not real. It was created out of your hurt, your broken heart (that I caused, and that you never got over) and your fear. Again, I am sorry. I pray you get the help you need so that you CAN have a successful second marriage.
I told you at the end of 2010 that no matter what (divorce me, marry her) I will continue to hope for our eternal family. That hope and prayer is still very alive in me. I will do anything in my power to shield my children from the painful reality of divorce that I suffered as a child. I will raise them to be strong, confident, faithful, diligent, emotionally healthy adults - with or without your cooperation. I promise.
With love,
Amber
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